The Grinch Set To Retake Christmas

After recent social media posts regarding Santa becoming transgendered the Grinch has had enough…

Recently there has been an online push regarding Santa Claus and the way we view him. The idea being that old Saint Nicholas should ditch “his iconic suit for skinny jeans, trainers, a hover-board and tattoos” and become gender neutral.

This comes on the heels of attempts to “modernize” Christmas to increase its appeal to those outside of the Christian sphere and thus its commercial worth, of course.

News of this did not sit well with The Grinch, who recently announced his plans to retake Christmas.

“All this gender neutral nonsense is just getting out of hand,” The Grinch says. “Part of my heart started shrinking as if sinking in quicksand.”

“After all, there's no Christmas character more gender neutral than I, you see, it fills me with glee. If they want a gender neutral Santa Claus, that’s fine by me!”

More importantly, the Grinch went on to say, is that people have forgotten the true meaning of Christmas and that, in itself, constitutes a renewed trip to Whoville.

Well, that and his increasingly painful chest from his shrinking heart.

When asked about the narrator's use of the male gender pronouns in the original taking of Christmas, The Grinch merely said that was a “judgement call”.

When pressed about details about what The Grinch's plans were regarding taking Christmas this year, The Grinch would only say that, unless people start to embrace the true meaning of Christmas and stop getting hung up on all the crazy social media hoopla, that they could count on their gender neutral wishes coming true.

"Christmas will come without ribbons! It will come without tags!"

"It will come without packages, boxes or bags!"

“Because Christmas," he says, "doesn't come from a store."

"Because Christmas… definitely… means a little bit more!"

#satire #howthegrinchstolechristmas #retakingchristmas #genderneutrealsanta #seasonsintheabyss